Sinéad

There’s a big emphasis on the importance of public speaking when you’re studying in college, despite the fact that you don’t often get the opportunity to speak in front of anyone else but your classmates. Which is something I had to do on Saturday morning to a mixed crowd of 1st and 2nd year M.Sc Cyberpsychology students, and lecturers who were there to grill and grade.

I don’t suffer from anxiety or panic when it comes to public speaking. Admittedly, I get nervous, palms do sweat and cue cards get shuffled compulsively. But after the point of introducing myself I often feel like I’m having an out of body experience, like I’ve no control over what’s happening, my mouth is a tap and words are dripping out, fast. On Saturday I felt this more acutely than ever before, despite the fact that I’ve presented at a conference to twice as many people and just recently presented a report to the managing director of a company (and his posse of suits) I was hoping to work with.

The experience I had on Saturday consisted of my mind tricking myself into believing I had completely fucked up the presentation, that I’d skipped slides and mumbled incoherently. But on the outside, according to those who watched, I was cool, calm and collected. Ordinarily I wouldn’t have believed them but then I was reminded of the presentation we did last year. As with all our college presentations they are filmed for the external examiners. The video of last years presentation was shown in the Psychology lab a few weeks ago, watching it I felt like it was a different person on the screen. The girl on that video was an alternative universe me, knowledgeable, confident, calm and capable of handling the most difficult of questions.

I’m my biggest critic. I feel like I have to be, because I know that the people who love me could never point out my flaws for me. So despite my supposed calm exterior whilst presenting, afterwards I always feel like I could have done better, and that I should have been more in control. I think that’s an important thing to share, because I know so many people freak out over public speaking, especially when their time slot is straight after someone that seemed so confident and together.

No one is immune to the pressure that comes with public speaking, some people are just better at hiding it.