As I mentioned, I do have a sentimental streak. So, instead of being ruthless and throwing it all out without a second thought, I went through it all and took photos to retain some evidence. In doing so I took a journey backwards many many years, to the person I used to be and the person I hope I can be again.

I am a Creative Person

The biggest part of this haul was a collection of sketches and paintings from school. I had once been very passionate about art, taking honours art for the Junior Certificate. I honestly can’t believe how many hours all of these pieces must have taken me. I don’t know what changed inside me and stopped me from continuing. Lack of confidence? A mature realisation that I wasn’t really an artist? I instead perused History, Biology and Business Studies. Choosing these subjects out of desire to have a well rounded education, and to keep my options open for whatever college subject I would choose. I wonder what would have happened if I had have kept doing art? After I dropped art I would channel some of my artistic creativity into Photoshop projects, having always been equally interested in computers in my youth, but then I didn’t take that path either. I’m certainly no graphic designer. These days I try to photograph the beautiful things I see, and yet, this frustrates me because what I really see, never seems to translate onto picture.

I am a Writer

English had always been my favourite subject and I had considered, quite seriously, studying this in college. “To Sinéad, an Editor, Author and Poet – and all before you left school.” this is part of a goodbye message written by a teacher, written inside the cover of the school magazine. This is something I worked long and hard on. I edited the magazine when I was in 6th year and from the age of 14 up until I left school at 18 I would write and write and write. Short stories, random articles for the school magazine and (as embarrassed as I am to admit it now) mountains of poetry. The school magazine was a serious creative outlet for me. I can’t imagine being that brave today, putting myself out there like that, creating something of my own and sharing it with strangers. This is why I’m writing this now, in an effort to be more courageous with my writing. I don’t know why I stopped being myself and starting holding my real self back. “Excellent short story, you’re a talented writer Sinead!” I found pages, upon pages of handwritten short stories, many which gained me A’s and A+’s from my English teacher.  I don’t gloat, I am simply shocked. Reading them now, I can’t believe these are mine.

“Most people take their time for granted. Most do not take into consideration that many things can happen in a few short seconds. A heart can discontinue beating, discoveries can be made, the human mind can process and file thoughts and memories into single cells.”

Most of my short stories are incredibly long, with many “Keep your essays brief!” “Wonderful, but not exam material.” notes left by teachers in the margins. “Excellent detail, very well expressed. Time Limit?” At 16 and 17 years of age I had no restraints, I was as creative as I wanted to be with my words. I didn’t care about fitting the exam mould and never reigned in my creative self. Poetry was something very dear to me at that time too. I had so much of it published in the school magazine. I personally think this took guts. Or maybe I was just naive? But, how is it that I was stronger and more confident with myself then, than I am now?

No more.

I blog. Yes. But I don’t utilise it the same way that others do. At the moment as part of my college research I am studying why people blog, and it sounds more wonderful the way it is described there. Millions of people blog to express themselves, as an outlet, in an cathartic effort. There are writers like Darragh Doyle that take my breath away with his openness, his honesty and it is courageous, and beautiful. I’ve spoken to my girlfriend, Jen, on many occasions about how I wish I could be just like Darragh. But I blog too seriously. I would rather been seen as an academic, because the reality is I’m terribly insecure about being seen as anything else, because I’m stuck in a job that I dislike, that has no connection to who I am or what I’m passionate about today and I am desperate to be taken seriously. But why? It’s not making ME feel more serious. It’s not helping me with the goals I thought it would help me succeed in.

This blog post is my attempt at connecting with my past self and this, new blog project, is an attempt to be creative, a writer and ME again. And I’m terrified.

Let’s be terrified together? Who did YOU used to be? What parts of yourself do you wish you could connect with again? Write that post. Take that photo. Create that art.

It’s not about whether you are creative enough, but whether you will free yourself to express it.

“It is like learning to drive – and then sitting into a car with no wheels.”

Essentially the argument is that the lack of high-speed internet connections and modern computer equipment has stopped these thousands of teachers being capable of correctly teaching this subject.

However, even if half the computers in Irish schools are over 4 years old (the Irish Times article points out), this could not possibly stop someone from teaching basic practical computer skills. You also do not need a high-speed Internet connection to teach ICT, yes it would be preferable, but there are plenty of music teachers and language teachers in Irish schools that would greatly benefit from having modern audio equipment, but are more than capable of continuing to teach their classes with the equipment provided to them (i.e. a piano or a tape recorder).

“The Republic has one of the lowest rates of ICT usage in education in the developed world”

Does the report point out the fact that the ICT training provided to teachers is possibly inadequate? That ICT is still not a Junior or Leaving Certificate subject? (Interestingly enough, Greek, Hebrew and Classical Studies continue to be). As ICT is not a subject at either Junior or Leaving Cert. examination level, there is no need to be qualified in the field. If you want to teach English, Irish, French, Maths etc., you must first have your primary degree in these topics and this is not the case with ICT. Yet, it is a topic that is difficult to teach and requires plenty of experience. Otherwise you end up teaching a class of students irrelevant information, rather than the practical ICT skills needed in a modern workplace. Yes, there is the Junior Certificate cycle subject “Technology” but this seems to be a mixed bag of technical drawing and some kind of model making and electronics.

Why can’t part of this €252 million euro be used to provide schools with 1 full-time ICT teacher? Why not allow I.T graduates to get their Higher Diploma in Education and then employee them full-time. They would also be able to provide much needed technical support and ICT consultation, ultimately saving schools money as they would no longer have to pay unnecessary fees to outside firms when a computer crashes or a piece of software needed updating. I.T graduates could also save schools money by implementing the open source software initiative.

I would argue that it is not like sitting in a car with no wheels. It is more like taking a short course in French, and then being asked to teach it to a mixed class of students who already speak it fluently, and those who only know how to say…

“Il est sur ma page de Bebo.”

Take, for example, my own experience with ICT in secondary school. Yes, we were lucky enough to be provided with two computer rooms with rows upon rows of computers, an adequate Internet connection (that sometimes worked) and a couple of the math and science teachers were sent on ICT skills training. The actual ICT classes we received taught some basic typing skills, using Microsoft Word to create an assortment of projects, the ins and outs of computer hardware and how to use “skoool.ie”. Not exactly the most practical set of skills.

However, as lucky as we were, the teachers that had been sent on these ICT courses were usually too busy with their main classes to actually teach us and we’d be left in a room full of computers with nothing but mischief to get up to. Even when a teacher was present, they were completely unaware of the fact that I had taught the class not only how to write and reply to the boys from the local boy’s secondary school, but also how to make sure the teachers didn’t find out about it.

According to my younger brother, still in secondary school, not much has changed since I’ve left school. Just like me before him, he gains nothing from these ICT classes and has instead channeled his boredom into finding plenty of non-Bebo methods of sending “innocent” messages across the Internet to other secondary school classes, albeit classes full of teenage girls.